Monday, September 21, 2015

Coke Sweat

I don't want this blog to turn into an anti-Coke screed, but hey, they're sure not helping their cause.

This is remarkably similar to the tobacco companies' dilemma a while back because really, what do you do to defend a product that essentially has not one redeeming quality?

Desperately trying to inject some fun into what is turning out to be a joyless narrative, Coke is standing itself up to be a target for parodies, mockery and abuse, and it deserves every single iota of it.

For decades now, Coca-Cola (I remind you, it has a hyphen!) and whatever its parent company is (someone should have mentioned the possibility of abortion, in the case of baby Coke) has slammed the public with relentless campaigns of meaningless, drivel-filled slogans (I Feel Coke?) and targeted-to-children strategies, all to peddle a heavily sugared medication—because that's what it is, an addictive drug that, I repeat, has not one redeeming quality.

So as long as Coke keeps shooting itself in the foot, I'll keep mentioning it here.

It is really, really hard to feel sorry for Coke and its beleaguered executives, knowing they will ultimately ride off into the sunset of retirement with multi-million-dollar severance packages, come what may.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

A Day in the Life (Death?)

I've figured out just what my sugar intake was on a very typical day in around 2012.

Please note that I am not exaggerating in any way. This is only typical, and probably actually is a minimization of my intake—I distinctly recall days when I positively binged, possibly ingesting more than half again this quantity, having given up alcohol, and believing I was entitled.

Wherever possible, these are images of the actual brands of the stuff I was ingesting. Each is followed by my estimates of how many teaspoons of pure white sugar they amounted to.

5 Casal Domingo .05% wine coolers at 25g of sugar each: Total: 20 tsp. white sugar



1 packet gummy treats, about 40g sugar:  Total: 10 tspwhite sugar

8 Leclerc Chocolate Raspberry Truffle cookies : Total: 28 tspwhite sugar (not counting carbs)

1 plate Spaghetti Bolognese (2 cups at 45g carbs/cup) :  Total: 22 tspwhite sugar

1 large slice Black Forest cake :  Total: 7 tspwhite sugar

GRAND TOTAL, ONE DAY: 87 tspwhite sugar

That looks like this, give or take a couple of cubes (I cobbled it together in Photoshop, but you get the picture):

That is one day.


If you even approach HALF this daily, you're in BIG TROUBLE, especially if you've been consuming sugar like this for decades, like I had.

What do you do to remedy this?

Slash all sugars and carbohydrates IMMEDIATELY.

Three months ago, I did, and now I estimate my daily sugar consumption looks like this:

Still too much, but better than the preceding.

It's never too late.

Hilarious Nostalgia

Can you imagine your world without sugar?

Cahsssssst your mind baaaaackkkk . . . to 1974 . . . .

Read the words:

ONE.
POINT.
SEVEN.
MILLION.
TONS

If it was that in 1974, imagine what it must be now.

Here's a fun infographic. Donald Trump must be pleased about the Mexican part (the United States is FOURTH, Canada is SEVENTH):


Health Myths and Sugar

Fresh orange juice is much healthier for you

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Why Coke is Panicking

Coca-Cola (yes, it's officially hyphenated) is all a-flutter because scientists are on a rampage to expose them.

I think this is hilarious! It's very reminiscent of the tobacco industry in the 80s and 90s.

I don't hear Philip Morris assuring us any more that tobacco products are not bad for you. Do you?

How long before Coke cracks?

Seriously, Though

Tell me you're joking, Coke. You have a new soft drink out called "Coca-Cola LIFE?"

Okay. well, I suppose Coca-Cola Death wouldn't have fit as well on the label. And how do you justify this new abomination on the landscape of abominably bad-for-you soft drinks?

 “For consumers looking for a reduced-calorie soft drink sweetened with cane sugar and stevia leaf extract, this is a great-tasting option.”

No shit! I just happened to be looking around for a reduced-calorie soft drink sweetened with cane sugar and stevia leaf extract! As if cane sugar was any different than regular sugar! And the stevia extract occupies .01% of the entire drink, with the rest all sugar!

And I'm sure it's great tasting. I'm calling my dentist now to tell him all about it.

Hey, Coke! Because, Well. Coke!

Hey Coke! Are you trolling the Internet looking for negative blog posts about your products? Well, you've DEFINITELY come to the right place.

I can, however, be persuaded to change my tune . . . a few well-placed "advertising dollars," and I will trumpet the effects Coca Cola has on a healthy lifestyle!

What are those effects?

Um, well, sugar is good in moderation! But perhaps not in 8 teaspoonfuls of sugar in a cup. Seriously, would you sweeten your coffee with eight teaspoons of sugar? You would?

Okay. I guess I won't be shilling for you after all.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

The Endless Experiment

I'm having a mini-psychotic break. Eating at least a cup of Israeli ice-cream after a nice burger dinner.

Let's see what it does to the blood sugar!

Like It Is

How Much Sugar Are We Talking?

How much is too much?

How many rhetorical questions break the PatienceSphere?

I figure, with all the data now available to me, that more than one teaspoon of sugar a day is too much.

Too much for whom?

Again with the questions.

Too much for any living organism save, perhaps, bees, who don't consume what they carry, anyway.

I read somewhere that in early 17th-century England, the amount of sugar that was available on the whole island amounted to perhaps a three-pound bag. Sugar was more valuable than powdered diamonds.

Okay, you say: so was pepper. And you'd be right. But my point is, that up until the 18th or 19th centuries, the only sugar anyone ever got was sucked from the pistil of tiny wildflowers, snatched from beehives, or eaten in fruits.

There just was no other source of sugar.

This is an astounding thought, in light of what is available to us in the 21st century.

And now, you can consume what a denizen of 1650 consumed in a lifetime in one can of Coke. Strike that; in one can of Coke (about nine teaspoons of sugar) there is more sugar than anyone of the year 1650 could ever consume in their lifetimes. (I'm assuming that the average inhabitant of 1650 did NOT have access to a daily supply of fresh fruits).

At the risk of repeating received wisdom, because sugar is now the illness du jour, no one has a clue what the effect so much sugar consumption has on the human body. Any more than if suddenly, for whatever reason, gold powder became very cheap, and became the new major ingredient in all our foodstuffs.

Sure, gold is a mineral, and no one would seriously consider putting two teaspoons of it in their daily cup of coffee, but you see my point. If gold suddenly became as cheap as sugar, who knows what bizarre uses it would be put to?

So basically, the Human Being, starting from when—let's say 1945—is one huge guinea pig for the Great Sugar Experiment. Because, well, pre-1945, rationing. Blah blah blah.

So really, we have no idea what a lifetime of sugar consumption—and I'm not just talking a teaspoon here and there, but rather a pound of a mound here and there—will have on a living mammal.

Would you feed your dog 33 teaspoons of sugar per day? Why the fuck not? The most sugar consumed per capita on the planet is . . . Macedonia? But that is 160 pounds of sugar per year! That is TWELVE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY TEASPOONS OF SUGAR. That is THIRTY-THREE TEASPOONS OF SUGAR A DAY.

So let's get realistic. How much sugar are YOU consuming per day? Well, let's look at a typical food label. On a can of Coke, you'll see something like "Sucrose" or "Sucralose" or "High fructose corn syrup" or whatever: 39g.

How many teaspoons of actual sugar in 39g or these mystery sweeteners? About one teaspoon per four grams. So in one can of 39g Coke, there are about nine and a third teaspoons of sugar.

NINE AND A THIRD. How many, if any, do you put into your cup of coffee? Would you consider putting NINE AND A THIRD TEASPOONS OF SUGAR into your cup of coffee?

Thought not. But every time you have a soft drink—not just Coke, but MOST soft drinks—that is precisely what you're doing.

If you put 9.3 teaspoons of ANYTHING into your body at one time, it's pretty fair to say that you'd get sick quickly. Salt? Pepper? Parmesan cheese? Tabasco?

I rest my case. WHY would you put 9.3 teaspoons of, say, vanilla extract, onto your dessert? You'd be certifiable.

Yet every time you have a Coke, that is exactly what you do, with sugar.

Obviously, since you're just about to go to the fridge for a drink, I haven't gotten through that fucking thick skull of yours.

But I will. I will make you NEVER WANT TO SEE A SUGAR CUBE AGAIN IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE.

That is the purpose of this blog.

Nice to see you, too.